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Yesterday, we welcomed our second daughter into our family and named her Eleanor Leila. There is great significance to the meaning of her name and why Abbey and I chose it.

Eleanor - God is my Light

Leila - night/dark

Eleanor Leila - God is my Light in the darkness

It’s been a very interesting year and a half for Abbey and me, and this church.

During the beginning of 2019, Hope Community Fellowship was in very rough financial shape. Each week after service, our leaders would look at the tithes and offerings that had been given and decide what bills to pay that week, because we couldn’t afford all of them. At my insistence, Abbey and I rarely took our agreed upon pay because we wanted to see the church’s outside debts taken care of first.

Of course, this wasn’t ideal, but we were still receiving outside financial support, and Abbey was also working, so we were making do with what we had, and what we had was enough.

In May of 2019, we were informed that we were no longer going to be receiving this outside financial support. We were certainly disappointed, but understood the decision and knew we would have to trust God to lead us. Either I would have to get a second job to support us, or we would need to consider other ministry opportunities.

Abbey and I love this church. We love our neighborhood. And despite some of the previous and current difficulty, we believed (and still do!) that God was moving in this body. We didn’t feel that we were supposed to leave.

So in the early part of the summer, I took up a part-time job at a fast food restaurant. Around the same time, we found out Abbey was pregnant. This added a new wrinkle to everything that was going on, but God had always provided for us before and we trusted Him to continue to provide.

What was supposed to be a 15-20 hour part-time job began to turn into 25-35 hours. They were busy, late nights, that led to sleeping in late, and then taking care of our daughter while Abbey was at work, leaving me minimal time to accomplish church related tasks. My preaching preparation was slipping terribly, I missed prayer meetings, and I wasn’t able to contribute much to our VBS preparation. I was starting to feel overmatched and overwhelmed.

At our first ultrasound, we were excited to see how our new baby was doing. It was supposed to be eight weeks along. The technician said the baby measured to be five weeks along. The doctor said it was likely we were going to lose the baby. This all happened during our VBS week, so we had our church family praying with and for us, but soon after, Abbey miscarried the baby.

We didn’t make a big deal about it. We didn’t share it on social media. After all, it was a very early miscarriage and we have friends who have gone through miscarriages very late in the process and some who have lost babies soon after birth. Maybe we didn’t want to draw attention to ourselves, or make it seem like a big deal when, honestly, losing a baby this early is a fairly common occurrence. But it still hurt.

The Sunday after we learned the news, I remember preaching a half-hearted and half-prepared message on hope. I probably wasn’t overflowing with hope at that point, but we still trusted that God is good, He knows what He is doing, and He would provide for us, despite the hurt, difficulty, and uncertainty we were facing.

Soon after this, we took a short vacation. I was ready to quit my job in fast food. We hadn’t moved to Pennsylvania so I could sling sandwiches, and I simply wasn’t getting my job done for the church while working this second job. Abbey agreed to increase her hours at her job in the meantime while we figured out how to cover all of our costs.

There have been several times of darkness since Abbey and I have been married. Failures in ministry. Failures in education. Feeling dazed and confused, in over our heads. But this time was different. We were struggling in our ministry, working with tight finances, dealing with the fresh wound of a lost baby, and trying to figure out what God would have us do, all at the same time. But most importantly, in the midst of financial, physical, and spiritual difficulty, we finally stopped trying to figure it all out ourselves. We prayed a lot more. Asked God for help and wisdom. Submitted to His Spirit. And in that darkness, God provided.

During the second half of 2019, giving increased in the church and we received a special gift that allowed us to fix/replace half of our leaky church roof, as well as pay my full salary for the year. After months of refusing payments, God paved the way, through the faithful giving of the church, for the church to have all outstanding debts paid by the end of 2019. The church is more financially healthy now than it has been in the four years we’ve served here (not that money is the most important thing...it’s not...but we’re still thankful to God for His provision!). Praise God!

After leading the church, perhaps somewhat aimlessly, for the previous three years, we developed the DNA of Hope which is an influence upon everything we do and plan as a church. I would not have been able to lead this while still splitting my time at a second job.

In October or November, we found out that once again, Abbey was pregnant. Eleanor Leila was born yesterday. We very intentionally chose her name, recognizing how God has shown His light, His goodness, His provision, in very difficult times, not just historically, but specifically and personally to us.

Times are still difficult, weird, and dark, not just for us, but for everybody. Coronavirus. Issues of racial justice. Incessant political commentary. But at the end of the day, Abbey and I have a God we have chosen to look towards in the middle of that darkness, and it has made all of the difference in the world. He gives us a new lens to look through. We can trust Him to provide what we need. He gives us HOPE through Jesus, not just for eternity, but also for whatever darkness we may find ourselves in today. We pray that Eleanor (and you!) may find that same hope in Jesus.